DEPRESSION: WHY SOCIETY PLAYS A PART, AND WHY WE NEED TO FIND THE COURAGE TO LOVE OUR DARKNESS.

I was having a conversation with an elderly person the other month and halfway between coffee, she asked me why so many young people are losing it to depression and suicide. I could tell from the passion in her voice that either she knew someone who’d lost a child due to that, or she wanted to avoid her child/ children falling into that trap at all costs. I did not feel like I was qualified enough to generalize an answer, heck, people go through very different struggles and you can never really understand someone’s story unless you walk a mile in their shoe. I however felt and still feel like there’s a denominating factor in all of these.

Society has made it almost impossible for people to talk about their dark sides. Had it been easy, I do not think there would be such high cases of depression and suicide in the world today.

People who are depressed are said to be stuck in a certain period/periods of their time, mostly traumatic ones, where thoughts about those dark times not only keep coming but they also generate more negative and anxious thoughts continuously, till one feels stuck in a trap they can’t get out of. The only way out is to talk about it at first, to let it out. Even a shrimp needs to know what you’re going through in order to help you.

But how do you start letting your deepest cuts out to a society that has already made it clear that “Hey, I know it’s sad, but if you open up about it, you’ll probably never get any friends or people wanting to be close to you as much.” People won’t always necessarily tell you on your face, but the energy afterwards will. It makes me sad that it’s kind of a norm, to the extent where people going through it themselves feel like it’s wrong to share, that it should remain a secret.

Let’s face it, it is the truth. I’ve probably done this sub consciously in one way or another . It’s only recently that people have began being radical about the ‘opening up’ topic to avoid high rates of depression and suicide cases. And it’s a course I’m totally here for.

Tell a story of how something traumatic happened to you and you instantly feel some form of judgement from people, you instantly feel alienated. What does this do to you in return?

• You’ll feel like it’s wrong to talk about that coz it separates you from others.
• You’ll feel somehow alienated from everyone else.
• You’ll feel like your story does not matter.
• You’ll feel kind of unworthy for going through it.
• You’ll feel like it was your fault it happened.

Eventually, one decides it’s easier to bottle up their emotions and use band aids(in this case drugs, sex, violence, etc) to avoid feeling some pretty tough feelings because opening up to a hostile environment is almost impossible. The thing about band aids, however, is that they do not fix what really needs to be fixed in a steep wound. In any case the more the band aids, the worse the wound gets on the inside.

I feel like it’s about time we as society kill that judgmental mentality. It alienates people, it makes people feel like what they went through was their fault and that they’re not worthy, hence they do not open up to anyone. We need to realize that pain and joy both coexist in the universe, that’s just something we have no control over. No one ever said that if you go through pain you deserved it. A person might have control over what he chooses to do about his drug addiction, for example, but he did not and will never have control over the trauma he went through to make him an addict. Someone going through depression will find it way easier to open up to a society that makes them feel safe to be that vulnerable, not hostile and judgmental.

WE NEED TO FIND THE COURAGE TO LOVE OUR DARKNESS.

There was a book in my mom’s shelf when I was growing up called “The Dance Between Joy And Pain” by Mansukh Patel. You know those books you look at as a ten year old and wonder why someone would purchase? Well , I got to read it recently though, and, one word, WOW. The book describes pain and joy as two friends coexisting together in the dance of life. It explains the way joy cannot exist without pain and brings a very interesting approach towards facing pain. I highly recommend it.

Lastly, I’m a firm believer of alchemy (turning pain into wisdom). As a matter of fact, people who rise from rock bottom say they understood how their pain played a part in their rebirth. We spend half of the 24 hours in a day in darkness, isn’t it about time we make peace with the fact that there can’t be light without darkness?